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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
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Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
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They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
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Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
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You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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