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Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. ~Lucille Ball
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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
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There is still no cure for the common birthday. ~John Glenn
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May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
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My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams
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A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
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Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. ~Charles Schulz
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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