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Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
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It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
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Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
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Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
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Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
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Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
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Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
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I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
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In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
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I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
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I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
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Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
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Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
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Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life. ~Tom Wolfe, The Bonfire of the Vanities
